Yes, can you believe it. I am the only one that has turned up to work. The honorouble Lord Oswald has to wait in with his broadband engineer. Oswaldo has already blown up his Mac and lost all the music on his iPod (not backed up anywhere). If I were that engineer I would get out quick before it's too late.

Guess what my feline community is getting for Yuletide? The ultimate in cool, an electric disperser of pheromones for that 'feel good factor'. If it works I might one day not have to find wee wherever I step. You never know. I keep thinking it can't get any worse and then boom! A new place to wee! Last night I left the fridge door open for a few seconds and Bert weed into the fridge! Cheers for that Bert. (Remember he's not mine.) The day before it was my pillow that got struck. I didn't notice it until I had been asleep on it for some time. Nearly everything I own has been attacked; my book collection, my paintings, my post (nearly every day), my kitchen worktop surface, my sink drainer, most of my clothes, my pretend real flame gas fire, my brand new sewing machine, my iron (OK so I don't actually use those last two items but you know, I might have wanted to at some point!). I don't even get cross. I will solve this with psychology. 'Hello Bert [remember he's not mine], do you think you could possibly do me a favour and keep your wee up your bottom while you are in the house? Thanks mate. Appreciate it'.

I haven't plugged the gadget in yet. They get it for Yuletide Day (which I suppose was actually yesterday come to think of it). I have been gently warming them up to the experience by spraying the feel good factor spray around the house. The first time I did it Douglas panicked and hid under the bed. I think it was the noise of the squirter though not the smell. When will manufacturors learn that cats don't particularly like the sound of hissing snakes?

By the way, I am not the only mad cat lady in my neighbourhood. The contest is high. One of my neighbours has her husband read poetry to her cat at bedtime. This same cat (the lovely Fred) recently had to have his leg off (the whole of his leg right off). He's absolutely fine and bouncing around more than ever before, climbing up on to people's bedroom window sills to stare in and freak them out etc. Guess what he and his brother Barney are getting for Christmas this year (they get Christmas, mine get Yuletide, different family values)? Rocking chairs! I can't actually see them wanting to sit on a chair that keeps moving about and I am not sure if this means the chairs are miniature cat sized ones or not (I think probably yes). Last year they each got a cat summer house in the back yard for those days when they want to be out but want to be in.

Of course, my lot are getting a water fountain and a spa activity centre (it includes lots of different surfaces to roll about on and get massaged). I bet Fred and Barney will be jealous about that!

Maisie Paws